I plan to get "back to my roots" with articles more focused on game design, development, and critique of popular games and mods, but every now and then, I may update with a little more personal posts. As for now, enjoy this one.

Contrary to the name of this post, this really isn't going to be focused on a pretty girl. There could be some overarching reasoning to my naming the post this, but I don't plan on fleshing that reason out.

I'm probably going to be write less and less about my personal and "romantic" life, mostly because I'm just going to live a relatively confined existence for, at least, the next year or so. I'm pretty much just going to go about doing my own thing in school; as in, I'm going to focus a bit more on school itself, but primarily I'm just going to get by in classes, be friendly and such as usual, but I'm going to be a bit more myself.

You see, over the last two years, I've become a far more jaded and immoral person than I have ever been in the past, and I'm just not fond of that development. I want to be more like myself; I'm a nice and very moral person, but over the last couple of years I have simply gotten worn down by the people around me (not necessarily my friends or anything, but simply by the environment as a whole). To put it bluntly: I just don't like the average college student. Maybe this has something to do with my particular school, and it's trend towards a more snob-ish, elitist person, but overall I simply do not get into the "experimenting" phase of things. I know what I like, I know how I'm comfortable, and it's not drinking myself into a coma, it's not "hooking up" with that pretty girl across the room, it's not smoking pot, it's not "fooling around" with a girl while she's away from her boyfriend, it's not in a "friends with benefits" relationship, it's not a guy looking to change himself to be funnier, and it's not a guy looking to change himself to be more popular.

What I am is the nice, quiet guy that talks to people that talk to him. I've never been a terribly outgoing or confident person, I've always been more of a quiet person that opens up after someone else has made the initial line. Maybe this isn't what I should be, but it's not going to change either. If this means that I'm sitting by myself in my home on a Friday night playing a game in a darkened room listening to music, instead of drinking myself stupid at the shaking house on the corner with the volume-distorted music playing through poorly constructed speaker systems while a bunch of drunks have sex with each other on the dance floor, then cool. You can have your party, I'll take my situation over that any day of the week.

And this isn't me being an elitist, this isn't me being jaded or apathetic. This is me choosing what I feel comfortable, not to mention happy, doing. It's not like I'll forgo any and all human contact in a desperate effort to be alone - far from it. I love being around people, as long as it's in a situation I'm relatively comfortable with. The best memory I have of the previous year is me sitting on my bed, with about eleven other people in my room, just talking about random stuff until 4am in the morning (we spent about three hours simply talking, even though a number of people in the room may have disliked another).

Talking to a few people over the last week has really helped me realize that I don't need to try and like people that I don't feel comfortable with, that I don't need to change myself. The kind of people I enjoy being with vary incredibly, but I am sick and tired of feeling like I should be more rebellious or meaner in order to fit in with people. And, to be honest, the times where I always have the most fun is when I can be myself. In fact, one of the the times this year where I felt most at-ease was when I was home with my family for Christmas break.

I also have no problem holding out for that special girl. I see no point in getting in a relationship with someone who I'm not completely attracted to. If that means that I spend the majority of my college, if not all, completely single, then so be it. I'm okay with that situation. I've had a lot of relationships up to this point in life, but of those, I can count with two, maybe three, fingers the number of those (the total number is above a dozen*(3/2), that's all I really know anymore) that actually mattered. Outside of this set, I can think of only four other members of the opposite genre of human that had great potential, and of that set, I can only think of one (possibly two) instances where I'm positive the potential could be met. Does the reader realize just how many other failed possibilities that leaves?

To the four: good work on being you, I'm infinitely sorry things didn't work out. To the two, one of which may know who she is, the other most likely not, you're always in my mind. To the others: I'm just sorry.

Do I realize just how emo this all sounds? Yeah - yeah, I do. I don't care though... And that's the beauty of the whole thing.

And David Shaw is my newly adopted little brother.

Music
Best Tribute to One of the Two: Sugarcult - Pretty Girl (The Way)
Best Tribute to a Lost Summer: The Calling - Stigmatized
Best Epitaph for A Grey Sky Morning: New Found Glory - 3rd and Long
Best Sad Truth: Dan Bern - God Said No
Best Depressed Romance: Sister Hazel - Hopeless
Best Tripped-Out Depression: Zero 7 - In The Waiting
Best Reminder of a Greek Hermaphrodite's Journey: Iron & Wine - Passing Afternoon
Best Ode to a Funeral/Shot in the Back: Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek
Best Evidence of the Optimistic Continuity of Life: Off by One - Try